Looking at my own little man I notice some completely different things. Things that remind me of the turmoil we went through and the amazing growth and recovery that Logan has been blessed with. Truth be told I don't need the visual reminders as these things are almost constantly on my mind. The things I see are overlooked by everyone that meets him, and no body would ever notice unless I point them out. I see the tiny little scars on his arms where IV's were inserted to give Logan much needed medications, blood and the like. I often think back to that very first night when all his veins were visible through his paper thin skin. The nurse needed no aid to locate an appropriate location for his very first IV. Logan has a couple of scars on his right ankle where his PIC line was located for the first month on his life. When I first arrived at the NICU a special team of nurses were working to get all the necessary lines and monitors connected. The PIC line is inserted at the ankle and made its way up to a larger blood vessel and as such must done under sterile conditions and guarded and watched closely. Some of the first instructions I was given was that I couldn't get within five or so feet of my new baby boy. From where I was standing all I could really see was a sterile hospital cover, a couple of gloved hands, multiple colored wires, and some bright lights illuminating the area. The bottom of his left heel is a patch work of scars. This is where blood was drawn for the various tests that needed to be run. At one point the nurses were poking and squeezing his foot every three hours. Tiny little tubes would be filled with his precious red blood and carried away where his blood gas levels and electrolyte levels were tested. On his lower abdomen are the scars that remind me of his hernia repairs. That one grueling night that we made the ever familiar drive to the hospital. I am sure I will be able to make that trip in my sleep for years to come. Most mornings it would take about 20 minutes of so, I think I once drove that path in less than 10.
Others things that I notice are the loud cries that he sometimes make. For so long we would have to really concentrate and be deadly silent to hear any noise that Logan would produce. The softness of his skin reminds me of Christmas day when I got to hold him for the very first time, just over a month after he was born. His tiny little body struggling to breath as he lay on my chest, skin to skin. The way that he still sleeps on my chest, arms stretched out head on my shoulder. In the hospital it always felt like he was giving me the biggest hug that he could muster.
His vibrant big eyes. When Logan was born his eyes were still fused shut. It was a couple of weeks before we got to see his eyes. And then most of the time his eyes were covered up with a special pair of sunglasses as he had to spend time under the UV light to help his fragile body breakdown the used up red blood cells and process the excess bilirubin. The next time you see Logan or meet him for the first time all that you need to notice is that he is here. And very happy to be so. If you need proof just ask him and he will give you the biggest smile that you have ever seen.
