Congrats

Now having a baby is a very special and exciting thing, and having your first is even that much more special. I have loved the support we have gotten from others and the many congratulations. Now when you have a baby that is 14 weeks early, feelings and situations are a little bit different.

That Sunday night back in November Diana was in constant contact with her mom, as one would expect. I however had talked with my mother earlier that day, with no exciting news and definitely no concerns. Now let me explain that sometimes I do things to get people to react. You might say I can't always be trusted when it comes to things of a serious nature. Ask my mom she will give the inside scoop. Anyways calling home late Sunday night first was a very difficult task, I really had no idea what was going on, emotions were high and my head was swirling. I don't remember what was said on the phone that night, but I did manage to get across to my Dad that we indeed did have a baby boy and yes he did come very much earlier than expected.

It took me until the next day to inform the rest of my family about what had occurred that night. The news spread much more quickly in Diana's family. As everyone dealt with the news in their own way, Facebook was quickly involved, much to Diana's dismay. With all the uncertainty Diana really just wanted some time alone, just the three of us, to process and develop a plan to trudge forward. This may be why it took sometime to get the official news out to the world. But with me trying to finish up all my requirements at school and needing time away from clinic we did have to tell people what had occurred. This brought about the expected concern and love by those who knew when Logan was to arrive and the predictable response from people when you have a child.

I have always loved hearing the word 'Congratulations' and still do, but hearing that in light of what was going on didn't bring the same internal response. Before I go on, let me say I have fully appreciated the out pouring of love and good will during this entire process, and I write this not to share frustration or discontent with others, but rather to relate all aspects of our experience. I believe that the vast majority of people didn't know how to react or what to say, I mean like I said having a child is a very special and exciting thing. However congratulations just doesn't really seem to fit. Especially when I was more concerned about other things rather than enjoying the grandeur of parenthood. I think for Diana this was a little bit more difficult to hear. She once said to me "congrats on what? having an incompetent cervix?". I don't know if she yet finds the humour in that.

Over the first few weeks people began to change from offering congratulations to more words of concern and support. I can't even begin to express how much help and support that we received from everyone around us. So many little things have added up to make a tremendous difference. This now gives me the opportunity to express my joy and happiness for how much progress Logan has made and how wonderful he is now doing. This is nothing shy of a tremendous miracle.

The funny thing now is that I almost don't like when people ask if I have any kids. I love Logan beyond belief and am so very grateful for the addition to our little family. However the second question that is always asked once someone learn that I have a little boy is 'how old is he?'. When you have a preemie, you kind of get to celebrate of few extra days. Logan's birthday is obviously a important date, however because developmental milestones a such an important aspect of monitoring babies, his age has to be adjusted in order to determine if he is progressing appropriately. This means that much of what we tract is based upon his due date. Because his due date was only four days off from the day that he arrived home from the hospital we have been using that day as his adjusted birthday. This makes Logan 5 months old, but really only 2 months old. You can see how this can get overwhelming when discussing my little dude. I often find myself hoping that people won't ask me about my family so I don't have the awkward feeling and thoughts in my head.

I love Logan, I love being a Dad and I do love telling people about my family. I just wish sometimes that life could be a little easier, but then what would be the point.

Back to the Beginning

I wanted to start this post off with a dramatic description of what it was like of November 20, but in reality I really don't remember. This is Portland so let's say it was overcast with some light rain. I do remember having a regular Sunday afternoon, relaxing catching up on sleep and what not. Diana was having some pregnancy pains, or so we thought. It was getting to that time in her pregnancy that increased in body aches, ligament laxity, increase baby movement and the like. As things had been uneventful up to this point, we didn't expect anything was wrong, but soon things would drastically change. Diana started her regular nightly routine of a relaxing bath and time to her self. This quickly brought on concern as she noticed some bleeding, she called the doctor who advised her to get over to the hospital. She wasn't in much of a rush until the pain started to intensify.
The drive to the hospital is only ten minutes and that night it didn't take that long, although to Diana I'm sure it felt like a much longer drive. Luckily earlier that day we had gone on the suggested hospital tour, so that we would be all prepared for the big day in February. Little did we know only a few hours later we would be using our new found knowledge of MT. Hood Medical Center. As it was a quiet Sunday night there was no doctor in the family birthing center, the charge nurse got Diana situated in the room and began to organize and gather information. She wanted to wait until the doctor arrived before she checked on the progress of labor, but did begin by attaching the fetal heart rate monitor. This I think was the scariest part of the whole process. The nurse had a really hard time finding the babies heart rate. Looking back I have realized this was because the baby was not where she expected him to be.
Now having completed all my classes in chiropractic school I had some knowledge of the whole birthing process and fetal development. In Oregon chiropractors can deliver babies so we were required to be trained on the process. I must admit it wasn't something that greatly interested me, so I only retained the very basic of information. Mainly the head comes out first, check to make sure the umbilical cord is off the head and neck, twist and turn, baby out, clean out the mouth then the nose, and that is pretty much it. I did remember something about babies have to be 34 weeks gestation to be viable.
With all this basic information swirling around by head and the nurse struggling to find a heart rate, I just took a deep breath and tried to reassure Diana. That didn't work all that well, she new things were wrong and nothing I said or did was going to help. By this point the nurse new things were progressing rapidly and needed to get the doctor there ASAP. Once the fetal heart rate monitor was in place the nurse left to update the doctor, She quickly returned said the doctor was on her way. She checked Diana, found that she was fully dilated and basically sounded the alarm. Diana was quickly placed on her side to help slow things down, another nurse began the process of getting an IV started (not easy on a panicking mother), the anesthesiologist was called, and the delivery supplies were brought in. About this time is when I realized things were getting serious. The nurse quickly left to make another call to the doctor, she likely said something like 'where the hell are you?'. Moments after the nurse returned to the room Diana's water broke. I remember the anesthesiologist poling his head in seeing that delivery had started and saying "oh looks like you don't need me". The nurse calmly replied "this baby is 27 weeks gestation and I could really use a hand". He quickly started getting the incubator ready and located some needed supplies.
Diana remembers Logan coming out looking very very blue, I remember hearing him make the tiniest of sounds. How everything actually happened is a blur. Logan was quickly taken from the room so that the doctors could do everything in their power to keep the little guy breathing. The OB/GYN finally showed up and took care of the remaining birthing things (easy night of work for her).
A nurse told me I could go see my son. It is a difficult decision, stay with your wife or go see your brand new baby. Diana told me to go check on our little guy. In the other room the nurse asked if I had a camera, maybe on your phone. "Not many people get to have a picture of their baby covered in saran-wrap. I did take a few pictures(the quality is awful). All the equipment that the doctor and nurses had was much to large for such a little body, but Logan was breathing, with help, and all the parts were intact. Logan was so small the the hospital didn't have equipment small enough to get him intubated, but they did all that the could to keep him breathing until the transport team arrived. The next few hours were spent going back and forth from Diana to Logan and answering the non-stop text messages and phone calls. The transport team was finally ready to take Logan to Legacy Emanuel Children's Hospital. They brought Logan into Diana's room so that she could see him before they left. Let's just say exactly the hello that Diana had in mind for the little guy.
Diana and I missed out on a few things that occur near the end of a pregnancy and 'normal' birth. I always joked with her that I was going 'old school' and would be out in the waiting room when our son was born. The situation and timing didn't allow for me to go run and hide. From arrival at the hospital to the birth of our son was just over 30 minutes. This meant no time to determine what was wrong, or a reason for the preterm labor.  I often wonder what part of my experience is what people experience and feel during the birth of their first child and what parents experience when their child is born 14 weeks early. One thing I do know for sure is I love Logan with every fiber of my being and there is nothing I wouldn't do for that little guy.
Before I left Mt. Hood Hospital that night I asked the charge nurse if she had every done that before. She replied "I have delivered babies by myself before, but never a 26 week one". She did a fantastic job of keeping the situation calm and Diana as calm as could be. If it wasn't for the intense shaking of her hands I don't think I would have given it a second thought.

Logan covered in saran-wrap.

Our First Family Picture

Easter, Our First Holiday

I know that I should start things at the beginning of the story, but after such a fantastic Easter weekend with family, I decided to talk about the first holiday that we were able to celebrate. I have always loved the Easter celebration. It generally coincides with the LDS church general conference, is about all that my Savior has done for me, and a little candy and chocolate never hurts. But this year was even better that years past.
On November 20 our little family put all holidays on hold. We had planned a trip to Idaho for (American) Thanksgiving, instead we spent the day in the hospital. For our anniversary we managed some time away from the hospital, but really dinner was spent thinking about Logan and we quickly returned to the hospital. Christmas of coarse was to be spent in Canada with family, again we just spent the day in the hospital. We did manage to get a little tree for the apartment and may have gotten the best presents ever (I will discuss that is a later post). New years again was spent in the hospital. As we got close to Valentine's day I thought we might actually get to celebrate, but alas we spent the day in the hospital. My birthday was the final full day we spent in the hospital, I am not one to make a big deal out of my birthday so knowing that we were likely bringing Logan home the next day was enough for me. That would bring us to the next holiday, Easter.
We would finally get to celebrate the holidays again. In the LDS children are given a name and a blessing. (somewhat like a christening in the Catholic church) We thought what better time to do this than Easter Sunday. We invited my parents and Diana's parents (although her mom came early to lend a much needed hand, thanks). The weather in Portland, for the first time in weeks, was bright and sunny. I cannot express the joy and love that was felt the whole weekend long. We don't have a lot of room in our apartment, which has been made smaller by all the new baby gear, but nobody seemed to notice the lack of space. We were able to visit, share stories, enjoy was Easter ham and for the first time since November actually enjoy all that a holiday can offer.
Having Logan blessed in church was like the culmination of all the heartache, thoughts, prayers and work put in on behalf of our little guy.  If I could have given everyone that has done anything for Logan, big or small, a hug and shared my love I would have. I cannot even begin to describe the outpouring of love that I have experienced over the last few months. Many times I was humbled by the kind acts of others and the stories of how Logan has impacted the lives of others.
I know Logan will not remember all times that his grandparents held him, or the little treats and toys that he received, or the numerous pictures that were taken, or even the countless times he was told how cute and perfect he is. But for me I will never forget the first holiday that we celebrated as a family. For those that couldn't share in our perfect weekend, I know your hearts were with us. May this be a reminder of what is important in your lives. I could have never imagined how my little family would come to be, but this weekend was just how I would have pictured it.

Hello Blogging World

I have been contemplating starting a blog for some time now, but as with many things in life I never seem to get around to it. Since the unexpected start to our tiny family I have thought I should preserve our story and share a more detailed report with so many friends and family that have supported and helped us along the way. We have been through a crazy roller coaster ride, with so much growth and strength coming along the way. Many times I was humbled, often by the generosity of others. I am not a writer, I can't even say I have a strong command of the English language, but I have felt the need to write down our story. It may provide strength to those that read it, it may allows others to draw closer to God, it may cause some to shed some tears, it may allow some to laugh or it may only occupy some of my time. In any case I have now committed to doing it. We spent 93 days in the NICU with Logan, as you will learn we have friends that have far exceeded that number, and met many that came and went in far less time. The number doesn't really describe the experience, I think being in the NICU is the same for all parents.

I have always been an introvert, so for many of you that follow along this will no doubt give you a far greater glimpse into my life and the things that I hold dear. As I tell my story I simply mean to share much of the change that has taken place and the interactions I has with others. I am not trying to convince or influence others thoughts or beliefs, although it may come across like that at times. This will also be a learning and growing experience for me, so please feel free to share your thoughts and comments.